I stumbled across an article via Twitter, with what seemed like a pretty run-of-the-mill intro: “re-setting your internal rule for happiness”. It opens with a similarly bland headline: “How to Be Happy at Work”. However, from there it goes downhill pretty quickly:
If you’re unhappy at work–or anywhere else, for that matter–it’s because you’ve made yourself unhappy. There’s an easy way to change that.
– “How to Be Happy at Work” by Geoffrey James
Oh boy. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, let’s keep going.
[A] saleswoman once told me: When you’re unhappy, it’s because you’ve decided to be unhappy.
Maybe it wasn’t a conscious decision; maybe it crept up on you while you weren’t looking–but it was a decision nonetheless. And that’s good news, because you can decide instead to be happy. You just need to understand how and why you make the decisions.
(emphasis mine)
[via]
The article goes on to elaborate on a few simple rules you can use to essentially “snap out of it”. So let me get this straight. Your unhappiness is directly a result of your own decisions, whether you know it or not, and all you have to do to “snap out of it” is to essentially think harder.
I don’t often swear, and I almost never do so online, so let me say this very clearly: fuck you, Mr. James.
Certainly there are things in life that we do to ourselves that lead to our own unhappiness.
- We can take or stay in jobs we dislike (usually if not always out of necessity).
- We can stay in relationships that aren’t healthy for us.
- We can make plenty of poor decisions that ultimately make us unhappy with ourselves (gaining weight, etc).
And yes, I agree with the premise that sometimes such things can be fixed by essentially trying harder.
- We can quit jobs we hate – if you’re financially able to survive without a steady income in an unpredictable economic climate.
- We can leave relationships – if you’re prepared to deal with the emotional ride that involves, not even counting the possibility of family or financial disruption.
- We can diet and exercise to drop excess weight – if you’re physically able and have the means to eat properly.
But other things aren’t so neatly within our realm of control. We can’t always make people stop harassing us. We can’t always control other people’s behaviors. And we can’t always alter our personality or brain chemistry to just be happier. Some of us just aren’t wired that way. Depression is a very serious and very real disorder, and it’s finally starting to lose some of the stigma associated with it.
Related:
“The Fight Goes On” by Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess;
“Adventures in Depression” by Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half.
So, Geoff—can I call you Geoff? Great—while I understand your article was probably meant to be a snappy feel-good write-up on the power of positive thinking and how you too can achieve your dreams, the rest of us would like to request that you perhaps leave the discussions of mental health to those actually qualified to contribute.
Telling people that unhappiness is something they can essentially “snap out of” is like telling them their mangled hand is all in their head.
